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Ah, summer. Bright days and long evenings. Whilst we often have nostalgia for the summers of childhood, the reality is that for many children the summer triggers stress and anxiety. Why? Because it also brings exams. Whether it’s SATs, entrance exams, GCSEs, A levels, or end of year tests, throughout May and June our young people will be being assessed. And many of them will be concerned about how well they will do, stressed about revision, and panicking about results.

It’s no wonder they get worried. Whether it’s getting into a school or university of choice, or just feeling like you’ve made the grade and done your best for the year, there can be a lot riding on them. It’s easy to get overwhelmed.

As a parent, you can help make this time easier. Provide a space for them to revise in and a routine to follow. But make sure there’s time for play and rest too. It doesn’t help to be working at all hours. So plenty of breaks and time to relax, ideally as a family so that they know you are there for them, are necessary and important.

Keep talking. Connection and communication are crucial to healthy family relationships. If young people feel they can’t talk to their parents, they may become more tense and anxious. And talk to your children about things other than exams. Don’t ignore the fact that they are happening, but don’t make them the only focus of your child’s life.

Support your children to do their best – even if that doesn’t mean being the best. An ‘A’ for effort is more important than a 100% pass rate. It’s crucial that, while recognising the importance of the exams and tests, that we don’t put additional pressure on our children. Let them know that the result of this assessment doesn’t define who they are. They are still the same person, with the same wonderful qualities and personality. They are still good enough.

With the right balance of hard work and important rest, communication and support, all children have the opportunity to do their very best this exam period.

And enjoy a well earned break in the summer. Let’s help them to enjoy it.

If you want to know more about how I can help you and your child, get in touch.

People often come to me seeking to change their life. They know that they want things to be different, and seek a coach to help them. The thing is, life is always changing. In every moment. We can’t stop it. What we can do is harness the flow of change, and make it work for us.

But to do this, we have to ask the right questions. And these questions must be specific.

Rather than asking ‘can I change my life’ or ‘can my life be different’ we should be asking ‘how can I change my life’ and ‘what can be different about my life?’ Getting specific allows us to set goals and take key actions towards achieving them. Setting specific, measurable targets that you can take action against and review against tangible measures (SMART goals) has been shown to be the key to achieving them.

To start making goals, we have to ask the right questions. And we have to start where we are. I ask my clients what it is about their lives that they are struggling with. Is it work, health, or family issues? Having got clear about what’s not going so well, I ask them to get specific about what they do want. Is it to get a promotion, run their first 5k, or spend more time with their kids. Then we get even more detailed. They know what they want to change, but what is in their power to change? They might not be able to give themselves a promotion, but maybe they can speak up in a monthly meeting. Or go for a walk three times a week, or leave work on time, depending on their goal.

Only by getting detailed and asking focused questions of ourselves are we able to get to the root of what we want to change, and understand how to do it. Clients then feel much more confident in their abilities to make a change. Rather than a big, amorphous and vague undertaking, changing your life becomes something that can be broken down into manageable steps.

By asking the right questions, questions that really get at the heart of what it is that we want to know, we can work out what action we can take. Ask smart questions, and change your life.

If you want to know more about how I can help you, get in touch.

Change is at the heart of my work. Whether it’s supporting children in schools or addressing an issue that an adult comes to me with, there is always change. After working with an individual, things are different to when we first began.

Sometimes it’s a life altering change, such as a phobia or fear no longer being a problem. Sometimes it’s smaller, like a child not needing to be asked to do their homework. It might be something practical, like deciding to change your job, or something less tangible, like a sense of wellbeing. But always, there is change.

But change is hard. Many of us fear it. Even when we dislike our current situation, we are reluctant to change it. Even when we despartely yearn for a certain outcome, it can be hard to make the changes to get there. We are all wired to prefer the status quo. It’s easier. It feels safer. We can at least deal with something we know, whereas the unfamiliar is a world that we do not yet have the capacity to understand. Better the devil you know and all that.

But change is not something to be feared. Growth and development are changes. We are all changing, every day, with everything that we learn. Change is essential to progress. It’s what makes us better people who live better lives.

Hypnotherapy and coaching does not make people change in and of itself. They have to want to do it. Deep down everyone that I work with does want to change in some way. Or they would not even bother turning up to sessions. What I do is tap into that desire, and bring it from the subconscious to the conscious, making it a real need that must be met.

If there’s even an inkling that you could do with some change in your life, coaching is for you. If there’s a sense that things could be different, hypnotherapy can help. If you want a better life, I believe that you can get there. Sometimes we just need a little help.

Change is at the heart of my work. Whether it’s supporting children in schools or addressing an issue that an adult comes to me with, there is always change. After working with an individual, things are different to when we first began.

Sometimes it’s a life altering change, such as a phobia or fear no longer being a problem. Sometimes it’s smaller, like a child not needing to be asked to do their homework. It might be something practical, like deciding to change your job, or something less tangible, like a sense of wellbeing. But always, there is change.

But change is hard. Many of us fear it. Even when we dislike our current situation, we are reluctant to change it. Even when we despartely yearn for a certain outcome, it can be hard to make the changes to get there. We are all wired to prefer the status quo. It’s easier. It feels safer. We can at least deal with something we know, whereas the unfamiliar is a world that we do not yet have the capacity to understand. Better the devil you know and all that.

But change is not something to be feared. Growth and development are changes. We are all changing, every day, with everything that we learn. Change is essential to progress. It’s what makes us better people who live better lives.

Hypnotherapy and coaching does not make people change in and of itself. They have to want to do it. Deep down everyone that I work with does want to change in some way. Or they would not even bother turning up to sessions. What I do is tap into that desire, and bring it from the subconscious to the conscious, making it a real need that must be met.

If there’s even an inkling that you could do with some change in your life, coaching is for you. If there’s a sense that things could be different, hypnotherapy can help. If you want a better life, I believe that you can get there. Sometimes we just need a little help.

Many of the people who contact me at my practice in West London about hypnotherapy want to know one thing – ‘does hypnotherapy work?’ One question I get asked a lot is ‘does hypnotherapy work for weight loss?’

Obviously, my answer is ‘yes.’ I would not be offer Rapid Transformational Therapy if it didn’t help. But in my free phone consultation and the hypnotherapy session I ask more questions. Questions that help us to understand what ‘working’ means for the client.

When seeking help with an issue we often look at what is wrong, rather than what is right. But considering how we want our lives to be is more effective. Hypnotherapy isn’t about ‘fixing’ a problem, but about empowering someone to live in the way that they want to.

For example, rather than thinking about whether hypnotherapy can help weight management (a term I prefer to weight loss), it’s important to think about hypnotherapy can support someone to make good choices to live a healthy lifestyle. That might be about eating different foods, or moving their body more. It might be more about having a different relationship to food and movement. One session of hypnotherapy will not make you automatically drop twenty pounds. But it can help you change your attitudes and behaviours so that you can achieve that goal, or whatever goal you have.

Your attitude to food and eating are the most important factors when it comes to weight. Many of these attitudes and beliefs are formed early on, and reaffirmed through life. You might believe that you are only worthy of certain foods, or that a particular body shape is better than another. These beliefs influence how you behave.

That’s where hypnotherapy helps. Under hypnosis, when we are working with the subconscious, you can form fresh perspectives on what, why and how you eat. When you better understand the role of food in your life, you can change it, and that change is what will help with your weight. The goal of hypnotherapy is to readjust how you relate to food and weight.

There is research to support the use of hypnosis for weight loss. Some studies found that people who used hypnosis lost more than twice as much weight as those who dieted without the therapy. A study in International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis found women who underwent hypnosis alongside cognitive behavioral therapy lost weight and improved their eating habits, as well as their body image. A controlled trial on the use of hypnotherapy, as an adjunct to dietary advice in producing weight loss, shows that hypnotherapy helps. Marisa Peer has shared numerous case studies of the value of Rapid Transformational Therapy for weight loss and weight management. You can read here about how I helped this lady find freedom from her food issues.

So, does hypnotherapy work for weight management? Yes. Because hypnotherapy allows you to change your attitudes and beliefs about food and weight, which in turn influences the way you eat and move.

If you would like to know more about using hypnotherapy for weight management and food issues, get in touch.

This week is National Storytelling Week.

Stories are sometimes thought of as frivolous and childish, things we leave behind us as adults. But actually, whatever age we are, stories matter.

We all tell stories about ourselves and the world we live in. We might tell ourselves that we are happy and friendly, or lazy and rubbish. Both are stories.

When someone ignores us, we tell ourselves that they are mean people, or that they don’t like us, or that they simply didn’t see us. All are stories.

When we miss our yoga class we could tell ourselves that we needed to just relax tonight, or that we are bad and will never get better. Again, different stories.

What is clear is that depending on the story, the reaction we have to it will be very different. It will influence how we feel about ourselves and how we behave in the world. The more we tell a story the more it becomes part of an ingrained way of being. If you tell anyone – child, or adult – something, anything, repeatedly, they will believe it.

Many of the problems that people struggle with in their lives are rooted in the stories that they tell themselves. Those stories are often ones that have messages such as ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m a failure.’ My work is about changing those stories, and in the process, helping people to change their lives. It’s not easy. Those phrases and words have often been spoken repeatedly over many years, and feel such a natural way of being. But it is possible. Changing your story really can help you change your life.

You might never feel ready. Or ‘sitting comfortably.’ But if you want something new, it’s time to begin.

2018 is here and we are full of excitement about the future. This is a good time to reflect on the last few months. In the day to day running of things, it can be easy to let things pass us by. It’s only when we stop and take notice that we realise what has changed, what has gone well, and what we’ve learned. Here are five things, from different aspects of my life, that I have learned in 2017.

1) We have done well so far.

When I look at my daughters I can’t avoid but feel pride. Of course, my wife and I disagree, but despite this, we have managed to have a very few but fundamental ideas to rule our parenting. We have both used them as our guide, taking turns in implementing, sharing and embracing them with our daughters. Our three key words are respect, fun, and self-reliance. We don’t fully practice them every day. Sometimes we get them totally wrong. But what is important is the intention. We try to implement these words in everything we do.

2) Things change

As our daughters grow (Sofia is almost 13 and Ana is 11), the conversations are very different. They are changing, and, like it or not, we need to change with them. The conversations are deeper and more challenging. We are constantly reminding ourselves of what is right or wrong. We have to consider when to say yes and when to say no. We have to trust them to make their own decisions. My role as a dad has fundamentally changed and I have to find my new role in a way that satisfies their needs and mine, as well as our concept of family.

3) Take care of the small stuff

On September 24th I collapsed 100 metres from the end of the Ealing Half Marathon. I spent thirty minutes out and then the best part of three hours in pain and cold. And, if I’m being honest, I was very worried. Although I think Silvia (my wife) was much more worried than me. I had trained for almost four months but the days before the event, I totally forgot to think about my nutrition. Work and life took over and I completely forgot to eat properly. I was running on empty. I’d been training hard, but forgotten to eat. I forgot the small stuff. This is a lesson I take not only for future runs, but for my life as a person, a family man and a professional.

4) I know what I am talking about and I am not afraid of saying so.

Throughout the year I had the opportunity to talk with teachers, parents, mentors and educators. I have things to share with them. I am knowledgeable. And I’m confident that I can help people. I love when parents tell me: “I never thought about that, and it makes sense” or “We have tried what you told us and it’s working.” It proves that I know what I am doing. After five years studying for my degree and 18 years of corporate work, I don’t think I ever said that. Now I am proud of doing so.

5- Learning comes in all shapes, forms and moments. Just keep an eye for it.

Some of the biggest discoveries I have had have happened when I’ve been trying to help someone and managed to explain what they might be experiencing in a way that makes sense (I will leave the Dead Rat analogy for another time). When it happens, it’s magic. Every one of those situations helped me and helped a lot of other people understand what they are experiencing, and articulate it in a way that helps them. As my business grows, I am conscious I will have to make significant changes and I will learn new things. I have no idea what they are, when I will find them or if they will work. I just know that they will happen.

In this month’s Breathe magazine Francesca Baker has written an article on the role of language and the different ways that we communicate.

I am quoted in the following paragraph:

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) was developed in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Neuro refers to the brain; linguistics is the verbal and non-verbal content that moves through its pathways; and programming is the way the content is converted into useful information, thinking patterns and behaviours. Javier Orti is an NLP therapist, and he explains: ‘Our mind will respond to the images and words we say. When we talk about “an uphill struggle” or say things like “that meeting is going to be a train crash” we generate images and our subconscious brain reacts to those to protect us.’ His work focuses on helping people to use different words to alter their ways of thinking. ‘Changing the words we use will change the images we create in our head,’ he says, ‘and thus change our beliefs and ways of being.’

Anna was concerned about her relationship with food. A friend of hers saw Javier to help her lose weight, and was successful – something that appealed to Anna. But she knew that weight and food were only the symptom, and that underneath there was lots of work to be done. ‘I was aware that I was ‘stuck’ with lots of other issues that were far more important.’ she says. ‘I hoped hypnotherapy would be able to access the parts of my self I was in denial about, the stuff that was too painful to deal with.’

Troubled by negative thoughts, worries and a sense of hopelessness, Anna had tried multiple types of therapy over the years. They gave her a sense of self awareness and honesty, that she brought to her sessions with Javier.

‘Javier was non judgemental and kind. He enabled me to think and feel positively about myself. The focus on visual descriptions was massively important and has accessed more parts of my brain than talking therapy was able to do.’

Javier always keeps in touch after the therapy, sends recordings, and supports his clients. This is something that Anna was very grateful for. ‘He really seemed to care how I was getting on. He sent me additional recordings when necessary. I felt like he was on my side throughout which was the support I needed whilst climbing up the hill of challenges I felt were against me.’

The difference to Anna has been profound. ‘I feel completely different. I feel more authentically me. I do not feel like a victim of bad luck or negative circumstances in the same way, though I acknowledge that things have been hard. When I am in a difficult situation I can now see that it is simply that and I never feel things are hopeless. I feel sure and secure in my body and know I do not have to solve a challenge in order to get through it.’

These feelings have had a big impact on Anna. She no longer worries and frets over things that she can’t control. And her weight has changed, as she no longer looks to food as a solution.  She explains that ‘the emotional weight that bore down on every decision in my life has reduced such a lot so I can now focus on key decisions and issues rather than fretting over everything. I am simply more secure, less anxious and happier in my day to day life because of Javier.’

Coaching is more than just giving instructions. Being a coach involves a process of empowering individuals to change their lives, teaching them the coaching skills they need to change their lives, or aspects of them. Whether I’m helping people with relationships, leadership, health, performance or something else, the process is the same. I’m helping them to become their own best coach.

Coaching involves supporting people to think independently. As adults we all need to feel secure to try out new strategies and ideas, without fear or worry, safe in the knowledge that ultimately we are in control of our own lives. I don’t tell people what to do, I give them the tools to explore for themselves.

You are the expert on your own life. I can’t tell you what to do, or change things for you. But I can help you to bring about change.

One great skill that coaches try to facilitate is that of learning. You’ll notice that coaches ask a lot of questions. This is because they are trying to empower you to think and discover.

This learning process is about asking good questions to and giving objective, non-judgemental feedback to ourselves, and supporting our growth, rather than criticising our errors. By helping people to learn from their actions, I’m helping them to grow into their best coach.

So next time you’ve done something different, whether that’s raised your hand at work, dealt with a tricky situation at home in a different way, or just cooked something different dinner, ask yourself what you learned. What went well? What might you do differently next time? How can you set yourself up for success?

And then go do it.

Keep asking questions, and you’ll keep growing.